11.5.22

Hey you….you came back? You’re a trooper. I can’t believe you want to read my new blog post.

I guess I made the first one interesting enough to encourage you to read more of my ramblings. Let’s talk about how I have been procrastinating since I signed my book contract. Until…tonight! When I’m done writing this I’m going to climb back aboard and get my author life in order. 

I hate when life gets in the way of what you really want to do. I was already overscheduled before the book deal. And it’s like the rest of my life didn’t get the memo that I need to continue devoting time to this. Matter of fact I have to devote lots of time to this for an unspecified amount of my life. I feel like a juggler with several balls in the air. I have been having minor health problems and I’m in physical therapy. Everyone knows that physical therapy is a commitment. My physical therapist is great but sometimes I wish I could call and cancel. I wish I could just take my weary self home and take a nap. Hang out a sign that says Do Not Disturb. We Black women have been conditioned to push through. Think about all that we have survived: The Middle Passage, slavery, Jim Crow, The Civil Rights movement and more. And so that’s what I do. I think about them and I push through.

On Saturdays, my body shuts down. Literally. I will get up, feed the cat (or the feline tyrant as I like to call her), feed myself, watch TV for a couple of hours and haul myself back to bed. This has been going on for a couple of years now. I am usually out of commission until sometime late in the afternoon. My body runs the show and I comply. I am severely anemic and I operate on about half of the energy normal people have. I have seen many specialists about it. I don’t know how I’ve done it all these years. It’s a miracle I haven’t fainted in the middle of teaching class or something.

For the past few years self care has been the buzzword. Everybody’s yelling to practice self care. Are you stressed out? Practice self care. Can’t sleep? Practice self care. Feeling anxious? Practice self care. 

It’s as if some magic wizard bottled self care and passed it out as a new elixir. And people make you feel bad if you don’t or can’t do it. Great. So on top of not practicing self care you get to feel guilty about not practicing self care. 

Gotta love how our world works.

I just got off the phone with my mother. She asked me what I wanted for Christmas this year. Yes, we are that family that gets each other a few gifts and opens them up on Christmas, even though my sister and I are grown adults. 

I told her what I wanted for Christmas was time. Time to slow down physically. Time to slow down mentally. Time to spend with my cousin Vee laughing as well as my other family and friends in my hometown, New Haven, CT. Time to stop by Vera’s house because her food is gonna be off the chain. Time to see Aunt Dee and Uncle George. Time to see my sorority sisters. Time to sleep past 5:35 am on a weekday. Time to bake sugar cookies. Time to work out and not feel like a zombie at the end of it. Time to watch Elf. Time to watch National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Time to watch A Christmas Story. Time to watch every predictable Hallmark and Lifetime movie where the couple at the end falls madly in love. Time to shop at Clinton Outlets for a new Kate Spade bag.

And of course, time to write.

So as we begin this holiday season think to yourselves what you want time for. Then try to make it happen. This world moves way too swiftly. But we don’t have to surrender to that every minute of our lives.

Gotta go. The feline tyrant wants to eat.

Till next week, stay dreadful my friends.